Zevon Price

For the Final Day of 31 Days of Vampire Movies, I’m going to cheat a little, because this one isn’t a movie, it’s a TV series. But, it’s my list, so I can do whatever I want with it. And I’m putting this one here because it was a formative vampire media experience for baby bat Zevon, a little weirdo who loved vampire movies and spooky stuff but had little access to either back in early 90’s Appalachia. So, with no further ado, here is my favorite vampire TV show: Forever Knight.

Forever Knight first appeared on a block of shows on CBS dubbed Crime Time After Prime Time. It was a spin-off of a made for TV movie called Nick Knight, starring Rick Springfield (yeah the Jessie’s Girl Guy) which was made to be a TV pilot but never got picked up. Instead, it was retooled into Forever Knight, and the first two episodes are a retelling of the Made for TV Movie, with a few changes that work for the better in my opinion. Geraint Wyn Davies makes a much better Nick, showing out with a roguish charm that can turn both brooding and vicious on a dime. And of course, Nigel Bennett steals the show and everything else not nailed down with his turn as Lucien LaCroix, an overarching villain in the series and Nick’s own personal devil on his shoulder. Deborah Duchene absolutely smolders as Nick’s sometimes lover, sometimes nemesis fellow vampire Janette, and Catherine Disher plays a wonderful confidante and eventual love interest for Nick. As a coroner, she holds her own against all the supernatural shenanigans, and works to help Nick overcome his addiction to blood and try to find his way out of his vampiric curse and back to being human again.

Don’t get me wrong, the show can be all kinds of cheesy, as typical of early 90s TV shows (and vampire shows in general) but that cheesiness is part of its charm. It’s a stylish show that does a lot with its budget, and it makes its characters both charismatic and believable. It’s a hoot and I highly recommend it to anyone who loves vampires.

So there you have it, my friends. 31 Days of Vampire Movies has come to an end, but I hope I’ve given you all lots of ideas for movie nights, and maybe even introduced you to some movies that you may have missed the first time around. As always, stay spooky, and watch the shadows. You never know what you may find out there.

Happy Halloween!

Children can be such monsters.

It’s the tagline of the movie, and it tells you everything you’re going to get. And it is a hell of a good time.

This is my newest favorite vampire movie. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. Abigail is raucous, bloody good fun. If you want something in the vein of the Evil Dead movies for chaos and spurting blood and exploding bodies, Abigail is definitely that movie.

Abigail herself is the best part of the flick. An adorable little girl at first, sweet and charming and obsessed with ballet, she becomes every parents’ greatest fear: a demonic, uncontrollable monster hell-bent on destroying everything in her path. She absolutely dominates this film, and you can see the actress playing her is having the time of her life. Her performance is something to behold, as girls aren’t often given the chance to be this feral on screen. Oh, there are plenty of demonic and possessed girls in movies, but they are most often portrayed as victims, and at the mercy of other forces. Abigail is not that girl. She is the mastermind and one hundred percent in control of every situation she’s in. Watching the hapless crew of criminals she’s terrorizing turn from mostly competent to outright bumbling idiots is a delight. It’s kind of a metaphor for parenthood. You think you know what you’re getting into…

The cast of characters Abigail terrorizes all have great chemistry and play off one another in surprising and delightful ways. Melissa Barrera and Dan Stevens especially bounce off one another fantastically. Their characters are forced to work together while they jockey for control of both their circumstances and the group of characters caught in Abigail’s deadly game, and you can see just how much both of them want to be anywhere else but here.

The movie is a riff on Agatha Christie’s Ten Little Soldiers (There are other titles and no I am not using them. Deal with it) and it’s lamp-shaded in multiple ways throughout the film and with the casting of Dan Stevens. If you can find it, check out his audiobook reading of Ten Little Soldiers. It’s a great performance.

Again, if you want a fun, bloody as hell vampire movie for Halloween, check Abigail out. You won’t be disappointed.

You knew this one was going to be on the list.

Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula is one of the most influential Dracula movies ever made, by one of the most influential directors ever. And yet, it has all the makings of a delightful shitshow.

You can see what Coppola was going for. A stylish, stylized Dracula to capture the Victorian era with old-school movie magic and tricks, with a cast of of-the-moment rising stars, a melodramatic script, and a steadfast vision to see it through.

And wow, did it all come together, but maybe not exactly the way it was supposed to.

Don’t get me wrong, its a beautiful movie. The scenery, costumes, shot composition, and actors are all beautiful. The costume designs are some of the best in any movie ever made. Lucy’s wedding dress encompasses everything the movie was striving to be.

And yet…

It’s a silly movie. It’s so over the top it’s hard to take seriously even if you want to. Anthony Hopkins’ Van Helsing veers more toward hammy than the character should be. He’s not quite clownish, but he is a bit much in a movie where everyone is overacting their asses off. I adore Keanu Reeves in everything I’ve ever seen him in, but he’s a bit out of his depths here. Winona Ryder, the darling goth girl of the 90s, is perfect as Mina, although I don’t quite buy that she would willing go with Dracula after she found out what he did to Lucy. I mean, come on, girl. You don’t do your friends like that.

It’s still a modern classic and any aficionado of vampire movies should check it out, if only to see what the standard was when it was made. Like I said before, it’s a visually lush movie, and any students of costuming or set design could do a whole lot worse than study this film.

Day 28 of my 31 Days of Vampire Movies takes us into the realm of 70s blaxsploitation movies as I bring you one of the most unique takes on Dracula and the vampire genre as a whole. With that said, I bring you, Blacula.

I know, but please bear with me.

Prince Mamuwalde is an 18^th century African prince tasked with trying to halt the slave trade by meeting with European royalty. Royalty that just happens to be Count Dracula himself. Dracula turns Prince Mamuwalde into a vampire and entombs him deep inside his castle, giving him the moniker Blacula, and walling Prince Mamuwalde’s beloved wife Luva alive in his tomb and leaving her to die.

Cut to the modern day (the 70s, but you know) where two interior decorators are buying the contents of Dracula’s castle to kit out the fashionable and kitsch wealthy Californians they cater to. They purchase Prince Mamuwalde’s coffin mostly as a joke, but when the inevitable happens and one of them accidentally bleeds on it, Mamuwalde comes back to life and terrorizes Los Angeles. He meets the reincarnation of his wife Luva in Tina, a friend of the interior decorators who were Mamuwalde’s first victims. (Interestingly enough, the characters of Bobby McCoy and Billy Schaffer are openly portrayed as an interracial gay couple in a time where that was almost verboten. I’m not going to say it was sensitive portrayal, but the fact that it was there, and not played strictly for comedy, is something in and of itself.) Anyway, Tina’s sister Michelle and Michelle’s boyfriend Dr. Gordon Thomas become entangled in the trail of bodies Mamuwalde leaves in his wake, and realize that Tina may very well be next.

This could have been another throw-away trash exploitation movie, but William Marshall gives possibly the best performance of his career here. He instills Prince Mamuwalde with a gravitas and pathos that even more ‘legitimate’ Dracula movies didn’t always hit. He met with the producers, director, and scriptwriters to make sure his character was given the dignity he deserved. Prince Mamuwalde is a great character, and honestly deserves to be in a better movie. This is a low-budget production, and the seams show in quite a few places, but this is still one of the best interpretations of Dracula put on film.

It also has one of the best slow motion shots in any movie ever. It should be over the top and silly, but its one of the most chilling vampire attack scenes ever filmed. It takes forever, and perfectly captures what it feels like as time slows to a near halt as something horrible is happening to you but you can’t seem to make yourself move in time to stop it. I won’t spoil it for you, but believe me, you’ll know it when you see it.

Definitely check this one out. It has a sequel, Scream Blacula, Scream, which is also a fun time but not quite as good as the original. There was also a graphic novel released in 2023 titled Blacula: Return of the King, which once again brings Mamuwalde into modern times as he is released from death, this time to fight Dracula, who was conspicuously absent from both movies. Check that one out, too, if you can.

Without preamble, I present to you one of the most batshit stupid movies ever made.

Billy the Kid Versus Dracula has everything you could ever want in a vampire movie, provided you want to make the worst vampire movie ever made. It has vampires! And cowboys! Rubber bats on strings! A nonsensical plot! Acting that would get laughed out of dinner theater!

This was originally made as a double feature with Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter, which is a gem in its own right. It was filmed in 8 days and held together with duct tape and chewing gum. Most of the cast brings a Golly Gee-Whiz energy that was characteristic of movies in the early 60s, and honestly I could see this being a skit on Hee-Haw without having to change all that much.

John Carradine played Dracula in four movies, and he was terrible in all of them. He was one of the most notable character actors of the 20^th century, but Dracula was the one character he just couldn’t master. Instead of Lugosi’s cool menace or Christopher Lee’s feral aristocrat, he comes off more of a doddering uncle, someone you humor more than fear.

As for the plot, Billy the Kid is working as a ranch hand, wooing the lovely Betty Bentley and planning to settle down with her, much to the chagrin of her family. You can probably tell historical accuracy wasn’t high on the list of priorities for this film. Anyway, Carradine shows up claiming to be Betty’s uncle and insinuates himself into her life as he plans to make her his bride. A couple of German immigrants who work on the ranch happen to know (Coincidence of coincidences!) that Uncle Underhill (har-har) is actually Dracula, although he is never named as Dracula in the movie. They tell Billy, who then takes it upon himself to save the woman he loves from the dastardly Count.

This movie is horrible in all the best ways. The acting is atrocious, the budget obviously shoe-string, and script and direction something even a low budget TV western of the time would scoff at, and the special effects worse than anything you would find in a school play.

The best scene in the movie is where Billy the Kid clocks Dracula in the face with an empty pistol and knocks him out cold. Bullets can’t stop him, but 2 pounds of cold steel to the face does. It’s amazing, and I can’t believe someone actually wrote that into a script and another person directed it. Sharknado couldn’t come up with anything stupider than that, and I love it.

Try to catch this one with Jesse James Meets Frankensteins’s Daughter. Joe Bob Briggs released a DVD of his riff on Jesse James ( I wish he’d done one on Billy the Kid Versus Dracula but you take what you can get) and they are both a hilarious bad watch. If you love to make fun of awful movies, you seriously can’t do any better than this. Bring friends, open a bag of chips, and have yourself a great time.

Dario Argento is one of the most important and innovative horror directors of all time. Suspiria is a classic, and defined Giallo films. His movies have captivated generations with his use of color, dreamlike atmosphere, and haunting music.

This is not one of those films.

Dario Argento’s Dracula has, on paper, all the things that should have made it a new instant classic. A titan of horror directors at the helm, a story that had proven itself time and time over again to stand on its own no matter the interpretation, and a cast of actors that, while not A-listers, are both competent and captivating to watch.

What we got was, however, something that looked like it might be more at home on the SyFy channel after a Sharknado marathon.

Gone is Argento’s usual directorial style. The stark use of color that made his films so different from anything else of the time is completely absent here. The camera work is more fitting of a stage-play than an actual film and the shots are static and uncompelling. The lighting looks like something you would find in a gas station bathroom in a really dicey part of town. Thomas Kretschmann gives it his best, and in a better movie he would make a phenomenal Dracula, but he’s the only one who seems to be taking the movie seriously. Rutger Hauer looks drunk off his ass in most of his scenes, but maybe he realized exactly what kind of movie he was in and matched its energy.

So why am I recommending this movie?

Because it is a hoot and a half if you need something to riff while you and your friends get drunk. If you don’t mind nudity and hilarious CGI blood effects, you will get a lot out of this flick during a bad movie marathon with friends. Just don’t forget to bring your alcoholic beverage of choice.

Vampire movies tend to be either romantic, straight horror, or romantic horror. But vampires also find themselves at home in comedy movies, too.

Vampires, eternal creatures that they are, are like cicada. They burst from the ground and terrorize everything they come into contact with, until the horror wears off and they become punchlines more than actual threats (The metaphor, admittedly, may need a little work.) They then go back into the ground for a while, only for the cycle to begin anew at some later date.

Innocent Blood finds itself firmly in the space where vampires had lost most of their bite. Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula came out the same year, but so did the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That should tell you everything you need to know about where the zeitgeist was headed.

Innocent Blood honestly looks like it would be more at home in 1987, right down to the fashion, clothes, style, and humor. In this movie, a French vampire named Marie lives and hunts in New York City, looking to break fast with a taste for Italian.

It’s a vampire mobster movie. Goodfellas meets Love at First Bite would give you a pretty good idea what you’re getting into. Anne Parillaud plays Marie with a sad, wistful, yet plucky energy. You sense her loneliness, but you also understand why she makes the choices she does. She would be right at home in a more romantic vampire movie, yet finds herself hunting some of the broadest Italian stereotypes this side of My Cousin Vinny.

The main thrust of the movie finds undercover cop Joe Gennaro working to take down crime boss Sallie ‘The Shark’ Macelli, played by Robert Loggia having the time of his life. When Joe’s partner in crime crosses paths with Marie and becomes her latest meal, Joe’s undercover identity is blown wide open and he’s put into witness protection and taken off the case. Marie, meanwhile, insinuates herself into Macelli’s circle and ends up accidentally turning him into a vampire when she’s interrupted before she can finish him off. Thus, she and Joe join forces to take the newly turned Macelli down before he can turn New York into his own personal feeding frenzy.

It’s not a perfect movie, but the absurdist sense of humor does a lot to carry it when the plot threatens to run away with itself. Marie is a great vampire, vicious and cunning yet overwhelmingly human at times. Loggia’s Macelli is a genuine threatening presence as a human, and once he becomes a vampire he’s even better.

Definitely give this one a watch. It’s a fun romp, if a bit silly, but definitely worth your time.

Yet again, we’re going back to the 80s for Day 24 of my 31 Days of Vampire Movies feature, and yes, again, we’re dealing with yuppies. For some reason, vampires really love yuppies. Like calls to like, I suppose, and yuppies were the bloodsuckers of the 80s.

Vampires were once the go-to for softcore porn movies. Blood sucking has been used as a metaphor for sex since Carmilla, at least, and before the internet took over, getting your fix for sex wasn’t just a matter of booting up the computer. Getting past the censors was just one of the hurdles, and the symbolism of a tall, handsome brute coming into a young virgin’s bedroom at night to bite her neck in her bed wasn’t exactly subtle, but it was enough to squeak by. Since the 60s, the loosening of standards (and some may say morals, but that’s an argument for another day) allowed sex to be far more explicit in movies than it had been. But vampires are sexy with or without subtext, and as the motto of the 80s was nothing succeeds like excess, so smashing them together seemed like a no-brainer.

Thus we come to tonight’s movie, The Love Story to Die For.

Dracula, or Vlad Tepish as he goes by here, comes to Los Angeles for a new start after his assets are seized by the Romanian government. Damn those Communists. Anyway, here he meets our heroine, Kate, who is on a business meeting/date with her boyfriend on the yacht of a prospective client.

She meets Vlad’s gaze, and the next thing you know, they are necking on the lower deck of the yacht, boyfriend and witnesses be damned.

Kate is set up as someone who wants more from life. She’s a career woman, but a romantic at heart, and also sort of wishy-washy. Needless to say, showing our heroine cheating on her boyfriend in her introduction to the audience is an audacious move, but I’m not sure its the best one. It’s hard to root for her, even if her boyfriend is a bit of a feckless dork.

From there, the movie shows us Kate and Vlad’s romance, an 80s love story if one was ever made. It’s pretty standard stuff. But its the other movie going on alongside it that’s wild as hell. You see, Vlad has been stalked from the Old Country by an old nemesis (a mullet-wearing, California-accented nemesis, just go with it) determined to make Kate his own and then kill her, the way Vlad killed the woman he loved so many centuries ago. And my God, the tone shift between the two plots is enough to give you whiplash. The love story between Kate and Vlad is played as almost chaste despite the love scenes, and the subplot where Vlad’s nemesis wreaks havoc on the greater Los Angeles area at large and Kate’s social circle is brutal and bloody as hell. The kill scenes and dismemberments and vampire stakings belong in a completely different movie, something more akin to the Evil Dead movies than a vampire love story.

Obviously Kate is the Mina character, but the real standout character is her roommate Celia, played with over-the-top brilliance by Amanda Wyss. You know, Tina from the original Nightmare on Elm Street. She is having the time of her life playing the Lucy character as a meek, timid woman who turns into a violent, shrieking, possessive harpy once Vlad comes into her life.

Also, what Vlad does to Celia makes it incredible difficult to root for him as a romantic hero. He romances Celia, half-converts her, and then throws her aside the moment he makes a move on Kate. Both he and Kate deserve each other, honestly. They are shitty, terrible people to the others in their lives.

It’s a bonkers movie in a way only an 80s vampire movie can be. I highly recommend it, even if its a bit hard to find.

Day 23 in my 31 Days of Vampire Movies feature brings us a sort-of sequel to the original Dracula starring Bela Lugosi. Only this time, they can’t use the name Dracula. Instead, we have The Return of the Vampire.

This movie was made by Columbia Studios, intended as a sequel to the original Dracula, but there was that whole pesky copyright thing, and Universal threatening to sue them into the Stone Age, so they did a quick switch up so they wouldn’t lose their pants in a lawsuit. This time, Lugosi plays vampire Armand Tesla (but again, its Dracula. We all know its Dracula) who gets staked by do-gooders during World War 1, but is released from his tomb by a bomb during the Blitz in World War 2. He takes on the identity of a scientist fleeing Nazi Germany and ingratiates himself to the descendants of the man who led the crusade against him in World War 1. So it’s up to intrepid Lady Jane Ainsley and her cohorts to stop Tesla before he destroys her family.

As far as monster movies from the 1940s go, this is one of the better ones. The characters are all likable, and Lugosi as always gives a mesmerizing performance as Tesla. The comedy bits are a bit hokey but standard for the time, but the plot itself is interesting and the use of the London Blitz gives the movie an urgent and precarious setting and atmosphere that other movies of the time lacked. Its not going to blow your mind, but it’s worth a watch just to see Lugosi in what would be his last top-billed role.