31 Days of Vampire Movies: Day 2

For Day 2 of my 31 Days of Vampire Movies, we’re making a 180 from Christopher Lee’s classic turn as Count Dracula, into a complete shitshow of a vampire movie that’s mostly softcore porn, but is so hilariously bad that you’ll want to throw it on for a Bad Movie Night with friends. Friends you don’t mind watching porn around, but still, this one is worth getting drunk and mocking relentlessly.

With all that said, I would like to present to you: Vampire Cop.

Where to start? Where do I even start with this awful, awful movie? It’s low budget trash from the early 90s that didn’t even start out as a vampire movie, but somewhere along the line, some coked-up producer said “What the hell, throw some vampires in there.” And with that, Vampire Cop was born.

The plot is so bare bones it barely needs mentioning. A vampire disguised as a police detective spends his nights hunting and killing prostitutes and drug dealers to clean up the mean streets. And in doing so, he turns them into vampires. Which, in retrospect, only makes his job that much harder, as now instead of hunting criminals, he’s hunting criminals who also happen to be vampires. There’s an investigative journalist trying to solve the rash of killings in there somewhere, and a drug dealer/pimp who discovers what Vampire Cop is doing and decides he wants in on this vampire thing himself.

It’s a stupid movie that’s basically a showcase for boobs and sex scenes and the occasional vampire scare. But like I said, its so hilariously bad that its worth a watch if you can find it. I managed to snag one of a one hundred limited edition blu ray rerelease from SRS Cinema off ebay. Like I said, its an underground classic, and depending on your taste in awful, it may just be the vampire movie for you.

31 Days of Vampires

I’ve decided to do something special for Halloween this year, and since vampires are my favorite monsters, and Halloween is my favorite holiday, I’m smashing them together into a monster mash of blood, guts, romance, and movies. Can’t ask for more than that, right?

Each day I’m going to feature a different vampire movie, in no particular order, culminating in my most favorite vampire movie being revealed on Halloween itself! I’m pulling from my collection, so its going to be all over the place, from the mainstream to stuff you could only find on Cinemax in the early 90s in the wee hours of the morning. But hopefully you’ll find something new or rediscover an old classic!

And on that note, we’ll start Day 1 with The Horror of Dracula.

A movie shelf featuring a blu ray of The Horror of Dracula, framed by a Gary Oldman Dracula Funko Pop and a rose candle holder with a tiny tea light inside it.

This is one of the greats, y’all. It’s Sir Christopher Lee’s first foray as the Count, and its every bit as good a gothic as you’re ever going to find. From the moment Lee’s Count first appears at the top of the stairs, looming over poor Jonathan Harker (and by extension us, the humble viewer), he takes command of the movie and holds it by the throat until Peter Cushing’s Van Helsing burns him to ash by ripping a curtain from the wall in true swashbuckler fashion and forcing him to face the brilliant light of dawn. Lush set design, a ominous musical score, fabulous costumes (I still want Peter Cushing’s coat), likable characters, and a script that takes certain liberties but keeps the feel of the original book a lot better than most Dracula movies that followed, this is one of my all-time favorite vampire movies.

A Change in the Air

Summer is coming to an end, and autumn is beginning to show itself in the golden crisping of the leaves and the cool fog in the early morning. Of course, its Appalachia, which means it still ends up being in the high 80s by midday and the humidity is thick enough I’m surprised I don’t see goldfish swimming by in the air. But, as the seasons begin to change, I thought it would be a good time to check in.

My last post was back in March, when I made an announcement that I had finished Zero Draft of The ReReWrite of the Damned. I had planned to let the door-stopper sit for a month, then dive into edits and to make it into a publishable book ready for an October release.

That obviously did not happen.

First, Taterhead (not his real name, but it fits him) had to have surgery on his leg, and what should have been a sedate couple of weeks with him lounging on the couch wearing a Cone of Shame ended up as a two month odyssey into a Marx Brothers’ level fiasco that involved multiple trips back to the vet to get his stitches replaced, a regimen of calm-down drugs that had no effect on him whatsoever, and finally confinement to a cage to keep the little shithead from having to have his stitches put back in for the fifth time.

A white Jack Russell/pit bull mix with brown ears, wearing a cone of shame inside a dog kennel to keep him from pulling out his leg stitches for the 5th time.

Idiot Boy in Idiot Jail

We also had to make him a pair of assless chaps out of a tube sock to cover his stitches, putting my arts and crafts skills to good use. Yes, there are pictures.

A white Jack Russell/pit bull mix, with a white tube sock that has been cut halfway down so the ends can be tied together over his back to make a pair of makeshift assless chaps to cover the stitches on his leg

It’s called Fashion, Sweetie. Look it up.

I had no idea a small dog could be this much of a handful. He is perfectly fine now, other than having a bald spot on his leg, but it was two months of round the clock care to make sure he didn’t hurt himself or rip out his stitches again. He’s part Jack Russell, and also part pit bull, so you have all the hyperactivity and frantic energy of the Russell combined with the cinder block-headed stubbornness of a pittie. Did I mention he’s 9 years old? I could not imagine going through this with him as a puppy.

It was an adventure, is what I’m saying.

So that took up two months, and a while to recover from, so my plans to begin editing in the spring fell by the wayside. Summer has a way of getting away from me with various household chores and other things that have to be done while the weather is good, so that finds me on the cusp of Autumn, a season of changes, finally getting into the nitty gritty of pulling Zero Draft into good working order.

I started working on The ReReWrite of the Damned in 2014. It was a reworking of a story I’ve been noodling with off and on for years. I actually started working on the idea when I was 13, back in the heady heydays of the early 90s. Over the years, I’d gone in a dozen different directions with it, changing plots, characters, names, you name it, until I finally got my feet under me and had more or less a plan with where I wanted it to go.

Only to figure out about halfway through that I was going to have to break the book in half, and make it into two books, to avoid having a 700,000 word monstrosity. That meant going back into the book, and figuring out what to keep versus what to cut for the next book. It also meant reworking the antagonist, and eventually realizing that I had been writing the wrong antagonist all along.

Villains, am I right? You can count on them to screw you over every way they can.

But finding this out gave me a clear through-line for the series, and helped me figure out exactly what I was trying to do with it. I already knew it was an urban fantasy series, and planned for it to be roughly 5 to 7 books, with some wiggle room if I needed it. And breaking it into two books would give the plot more room to breath and expand. I tend to get in a hurry and get ahead of myself when I write, which inevitably ends up with me freezing up because I’m trying to do too much too fast. The ADHD is strong in me.

Now that I’m editing, I still have a lot to do to make it a publish-worthy read. I need to cut about 100,000 words out of it, for one thing. I’m an unashamed over-writer, and I sometimes call my Zero Draft a ‘puke-draft.’ I barf everything I want to say all over the page, more or less stream-of-conscious style, and then I have to go back and make it pretty and coherent. If I try to do this in my head while I’m writing, I end up choking my ideas and nothing comes out. Nothing worth reading, anyway. It’s easier for me to pare the words down when I’m finished versus having to make more when I’m done.

That is also why no one sees my rough drafts.

I’m also working on the second book in the series, and have almost half of its Zero Draft completed. I need to go back and rework the beginning, and fix that whole villain situation, but I’m optimistic that this one won’t cause me nearly the headaches the first book has. (Hahaha, the Gods of Writing are laughing at me right now.)

I’ll close out by saying seasons change, and like the seasons, life changes too. No matter how rough things get, they will change in time. That goes for living, and for creative endeavors as well. I’m still trying to teach myself to accept that the work ebbs and flows, that there are full times and fallow ones, but it’s hard for me sometimes. I was brought up in that constant go-go-go where you have to push through no matter what, but that isn’t the way creativity works, and trying to make it do something it can’t or doesn’t want to do often ends up in more frustration than anything else. So again, I’m learning to listen to the changing of the seasons in my mind, to learn when to rest and lay fallow so I can return in the spring and bring the bounty that was always there, under the snow.

 

I finished the Zero Draft of my Never Ending WIP Today

So I finished the zero draft of the ReReWrite of the Damned, also known as the Never Ending WIP. I started it in July of 2014, and my god what a journey it has been. I have struggled with this book in every possible way, trying to figure out just what I was trying to say with it, what I wanted it to do, and how to make that happen. But I did it. Today, I finished the last thing I needed to do with it and wrote those most blessed of words: THE END.

The first thing I did was sit there in numbed amazement. I’d finally done it, after all. The thing I never thought I’d actually do.

Then I went up to the counter at the little gas station/Arby’s where I usually write (don’t judge, I live in Appalachia and you make due with what you have) and told them I’d just finished the novel I’ve been working on forever. They were so happy for me, and when the manager asked me “So, what’s it about?” I literally drew a blank and could not tell her. I was still completely flustered. They have always so nice and supportive of me, I literally could not ask for a better place to write.

Once that was done, I packed up my laptop and emotional support possum plushie and drove home.

Squishmallow 5" possum plushie

(this little cutie)

And if you don’t think I wasn’t driving home with the windows down blasting St. Elmo’s Fire as loud as my speakers could go, then I don’t know what to tell you.

So what comes next?

Well, editing, obviously. The book is a big sprawling mess, and a behemoth. I definitely have to trim the word count by a substantial amount. Which, I tend to be an overwriter, so I’m not really surprised by this. Then, rounds with beta readers, sensitivity readers, copy editing, the works. It’s going to be a long process but I am absolutely stoked to start it. Because I am one step closer to holding my finished, published book in my hands.

I’m taking the time to really let this sink in, and enjoy the dopamine hit of having completed my goal of writing a novel. Then it’s back to the word mines, to begin working on Book Two of the NeverEnding Series, because there’s no rest for the wicked, baby.

Five Obscure Vampire Movies Totally Worth Your Time

 

Vampire movies are my favorite types of movies. For a long time, the bloodsuckers were everywhere, draining the life out of every movie-goer. However, much like the beloved, and maligned, zombie, they seem to have gone through a period of dormancy. That means you might be jonesing for your next vampire movie fix while waiting for the next big bat movie not about the Caped Crusader. So I’m here to dig deep into my DVD shelves to find some of the more obscure vampire movies you might have missed to tide you over.

  • Dracula 1972

I’m going to cheat a little with this first one, since it’s the most likely one you may have heard of. Starring Tall, Dark, and Gruesome himself, the great Christopher Lee, this incarnation of Dracula finds himself reawakened in London at the tail-end of the Swingin’ Sixties. If you’re looking for something with gravitas, you won’t find it here. It’s campy, overwrought, and downright corny sometimes, but if you need a movie to watch with some buddies and some beer, you can’t do much better than this one, if only for the bombastic and over the top Black Mass scene that brings back our beloved Dracula.

  • To Die For (also known as Dracula: The Love Story)

If you’re looking for a more romantic vampire story, then this is a good place to start. Soaked in pure 80s cheese and glam, here you’ll find a heroine who wants something more out of life and a Dracula looking for a new start. Again, this is so 80s you’ll get high off the Aquanet fumes, but there is a powerful love story at the heart of this movie if that’s the kind of vampire story you’re looking for. It’s surprisingly gory in places, which is a delightful surprise if you like your love-stories to come with a bit of squirm.

  • Daughter of Darkness

Even though Daughter of Darkness is directed by Stuart Gordon, of Reanimator fame, it’s is a Made for TV movie (are those even still a thing?), so there’s nothing too explicit here. Starring Norman Bates himself, Anthony Perkins as a vampire trying to reconnect with his half-human daughter, who had no idea of her father’s identity until after the death of her mother. Filmed in 1990, in Budapest standing in for Bucharest, the film itself is an interesting time capsule, but it is a bit of a slog in places. The characters are interesting and the story unique for its time, and the vampires here as depicted as having barbed tongues instead of fangs. It’s worth a watch for the local scenery and actors.

  • Central Park Drifter (or Graveyard Shift)

Again, a movie with two names, Central Park Drifter, or Graveyard Shift, is the story of a New York taxi driver who chauffeurs people to their final destinations. This is a Canadian film, but it follows Italian Giallo standards. If you’re looking for blood, gore, 80s style nudity, and a plot that’s hinged more together by atmosphere than actual logic, this is the movie for you. There is, again, a love story at the heart of this movie, but it leans more toward erotic fantasy than sweet romance.

  • Tale of a Vampire

Starring Julian Sands as sensitive yet savage vampire Alex, Tale of a Vampire follows Alex as he drifts through eternity searching for his lost love. He believes he finds her, reincarnated in a meek librarian living with the tragedy of losing her own beloved. This is an unconventional love story, relentlessly bleak as it focuses on how incompatible these two beings are, even with their similarities. There’s more to the story, of course, as things aren’t always what they seem. A low budget film that feels it at times, it’s still worth a watch for the ethereal atmosphere and dreamlike-mood the film creates.

 

So, there are my five obscure vampires movies you can fill the time with until Dracula makes his inevitable return to the big screen. It’s been a few years, but you can’t keep a good vampire in the grave for long. Our dark lover will always arise, searching for love, vengeance, or maybe just a good drink.

You ain’t from around here, are ya?

Well, that’s alright, we all get a little lost sometimes. Where are you? Well, this is the website of horror/urban fantasy author Zevon Price.

Who is Zevon Price, you ask? A mystery wrapped in an enigma dunked in nacho cheese sauce. But seriously, I’m an author who has been writing since I was old enough to realize crayons were for writing and drawing and not shoving up your nose. I’ve always loved horror and fantasy, and Vincent Price was my first true love. Spooky, scary, gory, surreal. I love it all and I can’t wait to share it with you!

Keep an eye on this website, as, to quote another favorite horror icon of mine:

I have such sights to show you.